"Well, I'll tell you. I was out for a walk yesterday, minding my own business, when this beautiful woman rides up on this bike. She throws it to the ground, rips off all her clothes, and says, "Take what you want." "

The second engineer nods approvingly. "Good choice! The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

"Of course I need it today. If I needed it tomorrow, I would ask you tomorrow!"

"A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a co-ordinate transform."

"Surely it's about time you dug out an old (it's changed now!) UK Yellow Pages and scanned the 'BORING - See Civil Engineers' entry."

There are many engineering joke sites on the web. Below are three we like. But, we haven't been able to find any jokes about architects!

Four engineers were sitting around one day trying to figure out who might have designed the human body.

The first engineer says "I think it might be a Mechanical Engineer, because of joints and muscle and sense of balance." The other three nod their heads and say "Yeah, could be."

The second engineer says "I think it might be an Electrical Engineer, because of the nervous system and neural network." The other three nod their heads and say "Yeah, could be."

The third engineer says "I think it might be a Chemical Engineer, because of hormonal balances and metabolism." The other three nod their heads and say "Yeah, could be."

Suddenly the fourth engineer snaps his fingers and shouts out "I know, it HAS to have been a Civil Engineer!" The other three ask "Why?"

"Well" says the fourth engineer, "who else would put a waste water pipe right through a recreational area!"

A building services engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a software engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.